Lessons Learned: Letting go of the past

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” 
― Søren Kierkegaard

Over a year ago I wrote a Lessons Learned entry about maturity and within that post I mentioned the importance of letting go of your significant other’s past. Who they were or what they did can help you learn who they used to be. But that’s the point, that was who they were before you. Letting your partner’s past not affect you is a big step in a relationship but letting go of your own past is an even bigger step. Whether it is in romantic relationships, friendships, family, or how you view yourself there are three points that I have learned regarding your own past:

Learn from it: Every past situation can be a life lesson. You may not learn from an argument that happened yesterday or even a decision that happened years ago, but eventually, with time, there will be something that you gained from any situation. Whether it is learning to always trust in your family’s opinion, ways to be a better friend, or to never again attempt that one  fashion failure. How little or big the experience, something is learned from it. Even if that something is not make the same mistake twice.

Let it go: As cliché as it may sound, the past is simply the past. I am extremely guilty of playing out the “what if’s” of past situations. “What if I did this, said that, did more of this or less of that.” Dwelling on it will make moving on harder to grasp. You may not understand the past now but I found that one day  you will understand why things turned out the way they did.

Don’t regret it: I believe this point to be the most important.  No matter how hard it may have been or how much you may wish you never made a certain decision, in the end you cannot regret it. If I look at myself today, what I have accomplished,  who I am, and what I know, I know those characteristics that make me proud of myself would not be relevant if my past life had been any different. The most important thing is that we have today and our future to make ourselves even better than our past.

The best effort I can make everyday is to put yesterday behind me and keep looking forward. And on a lighter note when we keep looking  forward we see the weekend quickly approaching.

Keep your head held high and let the past be the past.

Cheers to this being the 100th post of Head Held High!

Lessons Learned: Having a Big Girl Job

Good morning sunshine, it’s been a while.

I have good news and bad, but not too bad, whatever- news.

The good news is that I have been permanently hired at my job. That’s right, I’m no longer an unworthy contractor who is like the black sheep child of the company. I am now legit. With paid vacation, a raise, and the option of having benefits. I would have never thought I would be so excited about something like choosing my health benefits or not. Oh, how boring am I?

The bad, but not too bad, whatever- news is that I have been swamped with overtime. I guess that’s a good thing for my bank account, but it has left me pretty drained and tired. I feel like a grandma. This explains the dreaded week and a half of not blogging. Eee. Please forgive me.

This past week it finally hit me, I have a big girl job. Although I’ve been at the same company for the past year and a half, having that permanent position is when it finally hit me, I’m in the real world.

As much as I wish I was still folding clothes at the old surf shop or being a gymnastics coach at the YMCA, there is a lot that I have grown from and things that have made me survive in the real world.

Life seems to be all about the paths you take and what you make of it.

Lessons learned:

1. Don’t let anyone underestimate you

Being young in this crazy corporate world, people, mostly the old stale geezers, treat you like a child. Your ideas, suggestions, and resolutions to problems are tossed out the window because of your age. What do I know? But from having a twenty-something supervisor who has worked his ass off getting to where he is now, has taught me to not let anyone undermine you. Although I hated him at the time, he pushed me to have a voice and stand my ground. Now all those old farts who told me I didn’t know what I was doing in the beginning come to me for help and advice. Being young we are equip with quick minds, education, and the ability to be the upcoming successors, many people who have been here in the workplace may not like that. But why should we bring ourselves down to the comfort zone of the people who have been here for years? Why should we allow them to cripple our success and youth?

2. Adapt to change

The second thing that has benefited me greatly and has gotten me to where I am this far is adapting to change. While everyone else is busy complaining about having to learn a new process, be the one who is perfecting the process. You’ll soon be the youthful- go-to person. I kicked myself for complaining and whining about my supervisor when we got the news that the roles have changed and we are getting a new supervisor. We all begged for him to not leave us for another group, but the only thing we could do is accept and adapt to our new supervisor. Trust me, whether change is good or bad, do yourself a favor and just adapt to it instead of fighting it. Your work ethic will be viewed as positive and driven.

3. Let your hard work be known

From the first day I started at my job right out of college I learned two great words: Speak Up. If you need help, speak up. If you have an idea, speak up. If you have an opinion, speak up. If you have succeeded, speak up. I’ve learned making your voice known puts your name out there. When you have been praised by another company member through an email or voicemail, save it. You may use it at a later date for leverage to a raise or new position. When I went to my manager to request an increase in compensation, I was so scared. Worried I was being too pushy, or maybe even undeserving of the raise since it hasn’t already been given. Little did I know it was already in the works, and even other managers wanted to move me to their team. In the end it is about selling yourself and your contributions to the company. Ask and you may receive. So have a voice and let your hard work be known.

I hope the lessons I have learned can be beneficial to at least one person who reads this. It’s a tough world out there but we can make the best of it.

Happy Monday! Here’s to my last day of being 23!

Lessons Learned: Focus on Happiness

I know, I know. I have been lagging on my posts but I am back in action people. As promised in my Spring Resolutions post, click it if you missed it, here is another lessons learned.

A couple weeks ago I was pretty down in the dumps. I found myself moping through life when I should have been enjoying it. Not to mention I was pretty crabby. No, no it wasn’t hormones, but I definitely wasn’t my happy self. I was snappy, lethargic, and not very fun to be around.

I finally asked myself, What the heck is wrong with you? and I figured it out. I lost track of taking care of myself and wasn’t putting me as a priority. I was so caught up in work, stress, and negative attitudes that it consumed who I was. I have realized that time for myself is greatly needed, and I will doing everyone else a favor who had to deal with my cranky shenanigans.

Now, I am not saying I am going to stomp on other people and be inconsiderate in order to put myself first. But there are things that I found I need to keep me happy and even sane. Four magical things: Exercise,I bet you saw that one coming, surrounding my self with positive things, doing stuff I love, and girl- time.

*Surprise, surprise I am talking about exercise. I noticed that when I am not being physically active my mood plummets down hill. I become lazy and irritable. So, as a result I am trying to stay focused and motivated, hence the Workout Wednesdays. Its amazing how breaking a little sweat can easily alter your mood. Knowing that instead of sitting there pouting or grinding your teeth with anger, you workout your frustrations and do something positive for yourself. The hardest part for me is just sucking it up and doing it. To over come this, I try to muster up any bit of positivity I have in me.

*Misery loves company. It’s true. If you’re in a bad mood or bumming it DO NOT listen to depressing music. It is your worst enemy that wants to take you down to the depths of despair. Dramatic I know. When I listen to happy music, I find myself getting lost in the beautiful lyrics. And Voila! Instant happiness. This goes for movies too people. Surround yourself with positivity and happiness, which leads to me to my next point.

*Do something you love. No matter what it is or who it is with, find something that makes you happy. I used to love going to concerts, or even better shows at small venues, even better supporting musicians you know. A few weeks ago, I went to support a group of guys I used to work with called The Shakedown at the House of Blues in Hollywood. Being surrounded by the live music and dancing allowed me to escape from life. Nothing mattered at that moment but the music. Plus, their music is really awesome and could put anyone in a good mood so check them out. Also, focus on the little thing. The simple things that make me happy are walking the puppies with The BF, reciting stupid movie quotes, blogging, a little retail therapy, sleep, and being in the company of friends and loved ones, just to name a few.

*Girl Time. There have studies done that show when girls interact with their girlfriends it is beneficial to their health. Think I’m a liar? Check it out here. Yes, you might butt heads and get on each other’s nerves every once in a while, but interactions with friends can actually help you live longer. These past couple weekends I have been able to have girls’ nights out and I feel as though I have become a statistic for those health studies. A happier camper.

Taking all these aspects into consideration and applying them to life has really put me back on track to being my happy self again. It’s hard to not let yourself become wrapped up in life and forget to do things just for you.

Stay focused on your own happiness and keep your head held high.

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A little shout out:

Happy 23rd birthday to the beautiful Kelsey Brennan! I hope you are having a wonderful day. Let’s embrace this age because I have a feeling it is going to bring good things!

Strength in Lessons Learned: Maturity

This past week has been such a rollercoaster full of accomplishments and failures, happiness and frustrations, confidence and doubt. Basically, I was pretty drained, hence the lack of postings. However, I can say that out of that one week I have learned a lot about growing up and it has impacted me so much that it would be extremely selfish if I didn’t share it with you.

Many people are dying to grow up and don’t embrace their youth while others crumble at the thought of their next birthday. Either way we need to prepare ourselves for life’s up and downs and one main thing we will need is maturity.

Maturity in all aspects of life, it sounds pretty self-explanatory but our maturity can become clouded when we need it the most. Below are examples of what I learned about maturity in just one week. There are things I am proud about and things I definitely need to work on.

Find the fine line between uncertainty and being cocky

Lately at work my boss has begun to recognize my abilities and has been giving me more and more responsibilities. At first, I was so hesitant to why he wants me to be in charge of a project over people who have been there much longer than I have. I doubted myself and it showed in my work. Mistake number one. Thinking that I completely blew it and he would never have me do anything again, he surprisingly gave me another project. This second chance made my head grow about 3 times its normal size. I found myself in my own head saying “He must realize you’re pretty baller”. Embarrassing and mistake number two. My arrogance took over and as a result there was a miscalculation in my project. I was soon brought down from baller to baffled. Luckily, I was able to fix my mistake before it was too late and was humbled. Maybe I am too hard on myself but my boss still hasn’t given up on me. This week I definitely found that fine line.

xoExo gossip girl

Thankfully throughout this week I had one of my best friends by my side to help keep me sane and we both were able to vent to each other about our rough week. To not divulge her personal life I’ll keep it short to the point of what we learned. Exes are exes for a reason. We are all in our early 20’s and its tough to admit not all of us act like we are. Unfortunately, because of this it takes even more maturity to not let these people influence our lives.  Let’s face it. We are not in high school anymore but some exes still like to play games as though we are. It takes confidence, trust, and sophistication to not let an ex rattle a perfect relationship. Instead of blowing up with jealously and rage in front of her significant other about his very persistent ex, my best was able to communicate with him calmly and learned there was no threat. If that’s not maturity then I don’t know what is. This leads me to my next lesson.

Darling, Do not fear what you don’t really know

The wise words of my favorite singer, Brett Dennen. Now to not lay my personal life all out there I will also just get to my point of maturity. There is a difference between knowing someone’s past to learn who they are and dwelling on their past. Long story short, regardless of who someone was, did, or thought before you were in their life doesn’t mean they are still wrapped up in their own past. Focus on the present and the people you have been blessed with. I’ve learned the importance of not letting my own insecurities distort the true love that I have. The past is the past and dwelling on it can make you loose sight of the beautiful things currently going on around you…

all your troubles they don’t stand a chance
and sometimes it takes more than a lifetime to know
Darlin’ do not fear what you don’t really know – Brett Dennen (Check out the whole song)

I’ve only mention a few things that impacted me to keep some things personal. I have matured and learned a lot from just one week. I hope you can take these experiences into consideration and it helps you in some way.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever things are true, whatever things are honest, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.- Philippians 4:8

There’s nowhere to go from here but up, keep your head held high.